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Quotes About Sex
More like jokes rather than words of wisdom; after all, when you have sex you think about the Big F**k, not about the Big Bang.

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
Barbara Bush

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Robert De Niro

It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it.
Winston Churchill

My wife and I practice "Doggy Style:" I beg, she rolls over.
Steve Rice

There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W.C. Fields

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
Sharon Stone

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
Emo Philips

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Woody Allen

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.
Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, you probably won't either.
Anonymous

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Edgar Wallace

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Anonymous

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.
Jeff Foxworthy

There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz convertible.
PJ O'Rourke

I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.
Elton John

My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects.
Les Dawson

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Woody Allen

When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
Matt Groening

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
George Burns

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde

What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home.
Ken Hammond

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.
Steve Martin

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

Men are like coffee, If their good, they're rich... warm and keep you up all night.
Anonymous

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Marilyn Pittman

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Anonymous

The differance between a slut and a whore? A whore will sleep with anyone... A slut will sleep with anyone but you.
Stephen Lee Dekat

A human being is the best computer available to place in a spacecraft. It is also the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Werner Von Braun

You only have to mumble a few words in church to be married, and a few in your sleep to get a divorce.
Anonymous

But you know what life really is? You're born, you suck your mother's tits. You get a little older, you suck your girlfrineds tits. You get a little older you suck your wife's tits. That's what life is. Life sucks.
John Ryman

If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try a differant position.
Anonymous

Why are women... so much more interesting to men than men are to women?
Virginia Wolf

Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal.
Anonymous

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals, and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. It's not that God Doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavner

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Anonymous

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
Anonymous

Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
Anonymous

I admit, I have a bit of penis envy. They're ridiculous, but they're cool!
K.D. Lang

A woman's favorite position is CEO.
Anonymous

Don't make love by the garden gate, cause love is blind but the neighbors aint.
Margaret Harris

Virginity - You use it, you loose it.
Anonymous

On average, everybody has one testical.
Anonymous

It isn't premarital sex if you don't get married.
Michael Juster

A mistress comes between a mister and his mattress
Anonymous

Life's a bitch. A good life is a lot of bitches!
Steven B. Milum

wife VS. work - After 10 years work still sucks.
Anonymous

Women are lucky, they can get pussy when ever they want.
Anonymous

God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
Anonymous

Sex is only the business of the pile of people involved.
Anonymous

Every Harlot was a Virgin once.
William Blake

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